Sure hope I'm doing this correctly. At any right, I've decided to give this whole blogging thing a shot. I figure it will be a good outlet for my growing need to be creative through writing. Not to mention just a tad therapeutic.
Uh'oh. This thing doesn't seem to have a spell check. My Achilles heel! Oh well, I'm sure my writing will still be much more coherent than the average bloggist. No offense of course.
If you haven't given up on me yet, than good for you! As I promise this will likely be the funniest blog you've ever laid your eyes on! Sometimes...
At any rate, on to the blogging of feelings and amusing musings!
I shall start with the depressing stuff. I'm depressed. It seems to be all the time! A brief glimpse into this would be to paraphrase the brilliant Chris Cornell. "I only want you when I'm down, but I'm down all the time." Wait, I don't remember if I'm supposed to use quotation marks if I'm paraphrasing. And yes, I will likely be critiquing my writing every singe post. It's what I do. Anywho, I like that song because its a weird mix of depressing and hopeful.
Back on topic. I'm often depressed, but you can ask anyone, I'm never a downer. I like making people happy. Ever since I was a wee tot, I believed my purpose, if I had to pick one, would be to make everyone around me as happy as possible. I'm a joker. I'm a clown. If you aren't smiling, I've failed. I've never been a lover, but if I had to guess, I'd say I would be an unselfish one. Always more concerned that the people around me are enjoying themselves. (heyo)
Now you're thinking, "How can you be a clown and depressed?" To be honest, I don't quite understand it myself. I suppose I've always been a bit of a pessimist and a misanthrope. The average person you meet on the street doesn't deserve half of what they have and they want more without earning it.
Well, I've spent too much time being sad. On to amusing!
Today I watched 'Legend of Drunken Master'. Its so crappy awesome! Like, what awful acting, and you can't ask for a sillier plot, but I bet I could watch nothing but Jackie Chan being Jackie Chan for hours and hours without ever getting tired of it. It makes you look at regular old things like stairs or a mop and think about how you could use them to beat up an assailant. You almost want to get mugged while holding a flower pot with nice strong roots. Oh, yeah. That'd be sweet.
You know what I hate? People who got their jobs without deserving it. I couldn't tell you how many times I've read something in the local weekly newspaper and just wanted to punch myself in the Adam's apple. The movie reviews are downright horrendous! It's like all they did was read a synopsis of the plot and figured that was enough. The cartoons cause a little tumor to form in my brain every time I make the mistake of reading them. The section where they answer people's personal problems is just the idiot "writer's" personal forum, where he refuses to actually answer the questions. Example...
"Dear Deusche Wad,
I find myself unable to cope with society and every day is another kick to groin. How should I best fend off manic depressive thoughts?
Sincerly, Desperate for Help
Dear Desperate,
The border should be opened for anyone who wants to come in. America is the land of oppurtunity, so why do we stop terrorists from doing what would make them most happy? Also, stay away from old white men. Their skin is a poison and their voices lure lonely sailors to their doom!
Sincerely, Biggest Deusche Wad Ever!
P.S. You're a terrible person for not caring about feline suffrage."
You'd be surprised how very little I'm exaggerating. As both a cartoonist and a writer, it makes me sick to see these hacks getting paid to defecate on paper!
That's probably enough for my first blog. Hopefully the blog police won't come after me. I'd watch that show. "Lazy bloggers, lazy bloggers. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?" Is it just me or do they say "Cops was filmed in front of a live studio audience" before the show?
Hey! This does have a spell check!
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